Chapter 12
Goodbye, my darling, Hello Vietnam
Goodbye, my darling, Hello Vietnam
A hill to take, a battle to be won
Kiss me goodbye and write me while I'm gone
Goodbye, my sweetheart, Hello Vietnam
Thursday November 23, 1967
Live from our newsroom in New York, it's Walter Cronkite with the news, with Bernard Kalb reporting from Saigon and Dan Rather
in Washington, DC. Good evening.
Iberia Airlines Flight 062, originating at Malagua Airport in Spain, crashed on approach
to Heathrow Airport, killing all thirty-seven passengers and crew on board. Casualties include British Actress June Thorburn and two Americans.
In Vietnam, General William Westmoreland told news reporters, "I'm absolutely certain that, whereas in 1965 the enemy was winning, today he is certainly losing." Rumors continue to mount that Minnesota Senator Eugene McCarthy soon will be announcing his candidacy for the Democratic nomination for President.
Moms Belden spent weeks preparing for the annual Belden Thanksgiving Day Open House and this year was no exception. While Trixie's busy school and work schedule gave her a reprieve from some work, she still filled every free minute running errands for her mother and she'd had no opportunity be alone to talk with Dan after he shared he was headed for Vietnam. She did have a lot of time to think about what he told her that Sunday evening.
After Dan took Trixie back to the police station and had been reassured that she was feeling well enough to finish her shift, he parked the car and walked home. The two mile hike, mostly uphill, was nothing compared to those he'd made, carrying a full pack, in boot camp. And the cool November evening was much more pleasant than the heat and humidity he'd experienced in South Carolina.
Or what awaited him in Southeast Asia.
Dan was equally busy that week. There were all kinds of papers to sign and arrangements to be made before he shipped out. He met with Mr. Belden to ensure the portion of his pay that he would be saving would earn the highest possible interest rate while he was out of the country. He also had the title to his car notarized and ready for Trixie to transfer to her name.
And he spent as much time as possible with his uncle, who had endless questions about his training and mental preparation for combat. "Your mother would be so proud," Bill Regan must have said a hundred times.
"My mother or you?" Dan finally asked.
Regan turned to him. His look of surprise slowly turned into a grin. "I just want to know you're prepared. I want you to know that I support what you've done. And I think your mother would." He turned and walked away.
The other Bob Whites began arriving in Sleepyside on the afternoon before Thanksgiving. Dan hadn't contacted any of them personally, knowing that Trixie would have the phone lines burning. He did ask Trixie that she not plan any kind of send-off, since he wanted to have as normal a Thanksgiving holiday as possible. However, each of the Bob Whites made sure they would be home for most of the long weekend.
Mart and Brian spent Thanksgiving afternoon outside, directing traffic and parking cars, while Trixie was kept occupied helping their mother. The Wheelers, who loaned a maid for the day, were among the first guests to arrive that afternoon. Jim quickly joined the older Belden brothers outside, while Honey spent most of the afternoon with Dan. The Lynches celebrated their own family dinner at Maple Crest, but joined everyone at Crabapple Farm for dessert.
It was late when the last guests left and the house was restored to some order, everyone agreeing that it was one of the best holiday celebrations ever. Bobby had gone home with the Lynches, planning to sleep over with Larry and Terry. Mr. Belden had escaped to his study and Mrs. Belden was enjoying a well-deserved soak in the tub.
The Bob Whites gathered in the family room, the boys sitting around the television watching the Cowboys play the Cardinals, and the girls sitting in the far corner catching up with each other. Once the game ended, there was a lot of rowdy kidding about the game's outcome and debate about some of the highlights. Concerned about Terri and her parents, who were travelling that weekend, Brian switched to the news, hoping to catch the weather report.
Mart took this as an invitation to drag Diana into the kitchen, so Honey and Trixie joined the other boys in front of the television. The weather report led directly into a news clip about a helicopter that had crashed in Vietnam. The helicopter was still burning in the background, gunfire could be heard in the distance and bodies of the dead and wounded were being carried past the newsman whose voice quivered from fright. The entire room instantly became silent as the friends watched the horror on the screen, and then, almost as if choreographed, turned to look at Dan.
"Hey, you heard what General Westmoreland just said," Dan tried to joke. "I bet we'll be out of there in less than six months. I may never even see action. I'll be okay, guys. I don't plan to spend a lot of time in helicopters." But even Dan knew that wasn't true. He saw the unspoken fear on his best friends' faces and knew they had every right to be afraid.
Honey, tears running down her face, was the first to go over to Dan and hug him. Jim grabbed his hand and kept shaking it until Honey asked her brother to take her home. Brian stood silently, his discomfort obvious, then also grabbed and shook Dan's hand. He finally mumbled something and headed upstairs, leaving Dan and Trixie alone in the den.
Dan was just starting to say he needed to leave, when Mart stuck his head in from the kitchen to say he was taking Diana home and ask if Dan wanted a lift. Dan turned to follow when he noticed that Trixie had moved into the dining room and appeared to be crying, so he told Mart to go on without him.
"Trix?" he asked as he walked into the dining room.
Trixie noisily tore off a sheet of aluminum foil and tucked it around a plate of cookies.
"Are you okay?"
Her response was a loud sniff.
He walked over, took her shoulder and turned her to face him. "I'm going to be okay. You have to believe that."
Trixie nodded as she sniffed again. "I've had a lot of time to think."
Dan nodded.
"About you going to Vietnam," she continued. "About my feelings and what happened between us in July. About your letter, which I think was a bunch of bullshit."
"Trix." Dan almost smiled, realizing she'd seen right through his attempt to reunite her with Jim.
"I don't know if you noticed the tension today, but I broke it off with Jim. Entirely. I'd pretty much done so months ago, but we had a long talk earlier and. and it's done. At first I thought I needed to distance myself from you, too. I..."
"Trix." Dan stepped forward.
"No. Let me finish." Trixie waited before continuing. "I understand your not wanting to get involved. I understand that you thought my attraction to you was because I was angry with Jim. I understand that neither of us wanted to hurt Jim. But I've already done a pretty good job of that, entirely on my own." Trixie paused dramatically. "But you also said you don't need entanglements."
Dan had been staring down at the floor, but looked up when she said that.
"Do you seriously think we could be any more entangled than we are now? Do you really think it's going to just go away?"
"Trix, you...you don't need..."
"Danny, I've had a lot of time to think about what I do and don't need." Trixie choked on the words.
"Trixie, the timing couldn't be worse. You don't need to be tied down. Do you really want to be here, in Sleepyside, sitting at home alone writing letters that I may or may not receive, when you could be if not with Jim, then with someone else who will be here and give you the things that I can't?"
"And what exactly is it that you can't give me?"
"I...Do you understand that I might be killed, or maimed?"
"I don't care about any of that. I'm saying that my feelings won't be any different whether you're sitting next to me or or halfway around the world." Trixie pulled away and headed for the doorway, but Dan caught up with her halfway across the room. "Danny, I don't expect you to make promises." She stood facing away from him. "I just want you...I want you to be honest. I'm being honest with you when I say..."
Dan turned her around and pulled her close. "I can't lie to you, Trixie." He finished with a kiss.
"Moms, Dad?" Mart threw open the back door and ran into the kitchen. "I have a sick boy in the car."
Saturday December 2, 1967
Live from our newsroom in New York, it's Walter Cronkite with the newswith Bernard Kalb reporting from Saigon...and
Dan Rather in Washington, DC.
Good evening.
A White House source has revealed that U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara's resignation earlier this week was in protest of President
Johnson's outright rejection of McNamara's early November recommendations to freeze troop levels, stop bombing
North Vietnam and hand over ground fighting to South Vietnam. Eugene McCarthy continues to campaign in New Hampshire after announcing his candidacy for the Democratic Party Presidential nomination on Thursday, challenging incumbent President Johnson over his Vietnam War policies.
"Tip-tap, rip-rap, Ticka tack, too! This way, that way, so we make a shoe! I love it, Dan. It really did make me feel better when you recited that!" Bobby laughed.
Trixie rolled over and pulled the covers over her head. "Why is Bobby singing that song?" she wondered. "Dan saved him. Dan got him out of that cave."
"Trixie?" Bobby opened the bedroom door.
"Not now, Bobby. Let your sister sleep."
"Oh, my gosh!" She threw the covers back and sat up. She'd forgotten that she had agreed to spend the morning running errands with Dan before heading up to Mr. Maypenny's cabin for lunch. After being sick for over a week, she'd gotten out of the habit of setting her alarm before going to bed. She groaned, remembering how long she'd been sick and out of her usual routine.
As Mart called out to his parents to help with a sick Bobby on Thanksgiving night, Trixie and Dan quickly pulled apart and ran out to the car to help him. Dan lifted a feverish boy, carried him into the house, and placed him on the den sofa.
"He's burning up." He turned to Mrs. Belden.
"Are you going to get sick again, Bobby?" She leaned down and touched his forehead. "Trixie, would you get the thermometer out of the downstairs medicine cabinet? Mart, get a bucket from the service porch, just in case." She then turned her attention back to Bobby. "Tell me where it hurts, Bobby."
"I itch. My stomach feels better now, but I itch. He pulled up his shirt and showed his mother the rash on his stomach. "How did I get poison ivy in the winter?" He looked from his mother to his father, who had joined them. "It's not poison ivy, is it?"
Trixie stepped up and handed the thermometer to their mother. "Here, Moms. I rinsed it off. Oh my gosh, Bobby. Is that chicken pox?"
"Chicken pox!" Bobby looked down at this stomach. "Have I had them, Moms?" He looked back up at his mother.
Moms Belden looked at the rash and then at Trixie. "Mart and Brian had them years ago. You were a newborn, Trixie. Your grandmother Belden and Nell Frayne took care of the two sick boys and I took you to Aunt Alicia's. You had been premature and were still very tiny and frail and we did not want you to get infected. Thankfully, you didn't." She looked at Bobby and then back at Trixie. "Neither of you two has ever had them."
"Trixie, you need to keep your distance from Bobby or you might get them."
"I've never had them?" Trixie moaned. "I...I thought...I can still get them?"
"I itch, Moms," Bobby whined. "Did you say we have some lotion?"
Trixie's stomach was covered with the telltale rash and she had a fever well over 100 when she got up the next morning. By the time Dan came by that afternoon to check on Bobby, she was too weak to get out of bed, much less visit with the Bob-Whites. Although Dan was insistent that he'd had chicken pox when he was in the first grade, Mrs. Belden, fearing his immunity might not be sufficient to protect him from a second infection and not wanting to risk his getting ill after he headed to Okinawa, refused to let him near either of her children.
The rest of the Bob Whites were allowed to stand in the doorway and talk to either Trixie or Bobby, but Trixie was too ill the entire holiday weekend to notice or care.
During the following week, Dan stood below Bobby's window, singing the same tune he sang several years ago and other silly songs. He'd also spent time standing below Trixie's bedroom window calling to her, but she'd only waved weakly at him through the sheer curtains, not wanting him to see the pox marks on her face.
He'd arrived one afternoon with a half dozen helium-filled balloons for Bobby and a small bouquet of gerbera daisies for Trixie. Mrs. Belden allowed him to deliver them if he promised to stay on the far side of each bedroom.
"Hey Trix," he'd called from the doorway of her room. "You awake?"
"Go away, Dan. I don't want you to see me."
"I brought you something." He stuck his arm into the room, holding the flowers.
"Daisies!" Trixie sat up forgetting any concern about her appearance. "I love gerbera daisies! They always make me smile. Put them on the desk."
Dan stepped in. "I remembered you saying that one time. I was lucky to find these, but..." He stopped short when he saw a large arrangement of roses and orchids on the desk. "From Jim?"
"Yes. And the teddy bear is from Mart and Di. And the book; it's from Honey."
Dan went over to the desk and set down a vase, half full of water, that Mrs. Belden had given him and placed the daisies in it. "Looks kinda' pitiful," he mumbled.
"I heard that, Dan, and it's not. There's so much color and I feel better already looking at those daisies."
Dan picked up the book. "The Prophet? Didn't you have to read this for Miss Spindle's English 111?"
"I have another copy on my bookcase, but don't tell Honey that. It's the thought...Take it, Dan. You kept saying when I was moaning and complaining that you loved it."
"Why don't I take the one you bought for class?"
"Top shelf. On the left." Trixie pointed to the tall bookcase next to her desk.
Dan found the small paperback book, then turned and headed for the door. "I promised your mother."
Trixie sat and listened to his footsteps heading up the hall and then down the back stairs. "Orchids are special, but daisies make me smile."
Trixie felt weak and miserable the first weekend, but was feeling considerably better after about seven days and was anxious to end her quarantine. A visit to Dr. Ferris on the first of December confirmed that she was no longer infectious.
She had slept very little during her entire confinement, partially due to the fever, partially due to incessant itching, but primarily due to her fears for Dan. Trixie's first thought after leaving the doctor's office was to call him and try to spend every moment together until he left for the airport early on that Sunday.
The disappointment in Dan's voice was obvious, even over the phone, when she called. Regan and a few other men were taking him out that evening for a special dinner and Dan didn't think he could back out. He did promise to come by Crabapple Farm first thing the next morning.
And he had, only to find Trixie still in bed.
Trixie waited until she was sure Bobby and Dan were downstairs before rushing up the hallway and into the bathroom. She was aghast when she saw the pale face, tangled curls that were long-past due for a trim, and healing red marks that stared at her from the mirror. She gave a quick prayer of thanksgiving that most of the poxes were on her chest and back, while taking a quick shower and trying to do something with her hair. She dug out some of the seldom-used cover-up she kept under the sink and spread it over her face before heading downstairs.
"These pancakes are delicious, Mrs. B." Dan was shoveling a forkful into his mouth as Trixie came into the kitchen.
"I hope you saved some for me." Trixie grabbed a plate and fork and took some pancakes from where they were warming in the oven. "I'm starving." She took the glass of orange juice her mother offered. "Thanks, Moms."
She sat at the table across from Dan and Bobby who were already eating. "Did Dan tell you our plans for the day, Moms?" she asked as she poured syrup over the stack of pancakes.
"Are you sure you're up to it?"
"Moms. I've been dying of boredom. I..."
"I borrowed one of the stable's trucks for the day, Mrs. B. I need to stop at a few places in town and we'll be able to drive it up to Mr. Maypenny's cabin. Trixie will be riding the entire time." He looked at Trixie and winked conspiratorially.
"Can I go, Moms? I'm dying of boredom, too." Bobby piped in.
"No!" Trixie and Dan responded in unison; then laughed.
"I think they want to spend some time, just the two of them, Bobby. Trixie missed the Bob-White send-off for Dan."
"That's right. You're leaving tomorrow, aren't you Dan?"
Dan nodded as he jammed a large piece of pancake in his mouth. He was hoping to avoid that topic as much as possible today. He swallowed and wiped his mouth with a paper napkin. "You almost ready, Trix?"
Honey sat in the phone booth at the end of her dormitory hall and dialed the familiar number for WRF Stables. "Hey Regan," she greeted the groom when he answered. "I wanted to speak to Dan before he leaves. Is he available?"
"He's out, Honey. I don't expect him back for some time." Regan leaned back in his chair. "He went up to the Beldens to get Trixie and then they were going to run errands and visit with Mr. Maypenny."
"Trixie's out?"
"Trixie's finally well enough to get out and I think the two of them are spending the day together. Would you like me to have him call you when he gets in?"
"Tell him I called. I might try again later, or...Tell him...I don't know. Tell him..."
"I understand, Honey. None of us knows what to say. I'll tell him you called." Regan hung up the phone.
Honey sat in the phone booth, holding the head set until the disconnected line started beeping. She had no idea what to say to Dan, but if Trixie was feeling well enough...She knew Dan had insisted there be no big party, but the least she could do was go to Sleepyside and wish him well.
Brian shut the large textbook, placed his elbows on the table and rested his head in his hands. "I can't concentrate. I really need to finish this assignment but..."
Terri took the large headphones she was wearing off and he could hear the faint sounds of horns playing. "Are you okay?" She stood up and walked over to him. She began to massage his neck and shoulders. "I have some aspirin."
"It's not a headache. Ah...That really feels good." He rolled his shoulders and leaned back. "It's...Dan leaves tomorrow and all I can think about is that he's up there in Sleepyside. Trixie's sick and all his friends are..."
"Then go." Terri stepped around so she was facing Brian. "You're not accomplishing anything here. You can read on the train if you need to. And you'll feel a lot better if you go up there and throw back a few beers or slap him on the back or grunt or whatever it is guys do when they're concerned for each other."
"Dan insisted he didn't want a big send-off."
"That's not what you're doing. You're saying good bye or good luck or..."
"I hope it's good luck and not good bye." Brian stood up. "Where's my coat?"
"I don't know why we said we wouldn't go down. It's one thing to have a big party like we did in July. It's another thing to give him a hug and kiss and..."
Mart threw his suitcase into the backseat of Diana's car and got into the passenger seat. "You might hug and kiss Dan, but I think I'll just offer a manly handshake."
"You know exactly what I meant, Mart." Diana squealed tires as she pulled away. "What time is it? How late do you think it will be when we get there?
Jim spent the entire morning cleaning out several empty Quonset huts in preparation for the supplies he and the other Guardsmen would be unloading that afternoon. His back throbbed, but he was thankful for the hard work that had helped to keep his mind from wandering to the thought of Dan heading for Vietnam. One moment he was thankful it wasn't him, and the next he felt guilty that his friend was stoically accepting his obligation to serve while he played at being a soldier one weekend a month. He was beginning to seriously wonder if his father might have pulled some strings to ensure that Jim served in the Guard. When they were dismissed and all the other Guardsmen headed to the Mess Hall for lunch, he headed towards the phone banks. The least he could do would be to call Dan and wish him well.
Dan parked his truck behind Brian's Nash and turned to face Trixie. "I'm so glad you went with me today. I..."
"I enjoyed it. Thanks so much for...wasn't that the best stew Mr. Maypenny has ever made?" She reached for the door handle.
"Ah, Trix, I was wondering...if you're up to it if we might go out to dinner this evening?"
"What about Regan? Don't you want to spend some time with him?"
"We had that nice steak dinner last night. We're planning to stop for breakfast tomorrow on the way to the airport and we'll have plenty of time for a private good bye on the ride. I...I kinda wanted the same..."
HONK! HONK!
Trixie and Dan turned to see Diana pulling her car into the driveway. They had gotten out of the truck and were walking over to greet them when Moms came to the porch door.
"Dan. Phone. It's Jim. Jim Frayne!"
Dan jogged across the driveway and went inside while Trixie headed over to Diana's car. Diana and Trixie were greeting each other and Mart had just retrieved his suitcase when Honey's yellow Mustang pulled into the driveway behind them.
"Look what I picked up on the side of the road!" Honey called out as she and Brian got out of her car. "Your idiot brother was trying to walk from the train station!" She ran up and hugged Trixie. "Where's Dan? That's Regan's truck, isn't it?"
"He went inside to take a call from Jim."
"Jim? He's on the phone? I thought he had guard duty this weekend. He wanted to come down, but..." Honey ran across the driveway and disappeared inside.
"Are you sure he has drill this weekend?" Brian hefted his duffle bag and turned to his sister. "It'll really be something if he shows up, too."
"I really don't know." Trixie headed across the driveway.
Brian looked at Mart, who shrugged his shoulders and followed their sister into the house.
As Honey thought, it was Jim's drill weekend and he was on his lunch break, using a payphone. He first tried the stables and when Regan mentioned that Dan was with Trixie, he called Crabapple Farm. He had only a few minutes to wish Dan well, but Dan did give Honey the phone so she also could speak to her brother for a few moments.
By the time Honey hung up the phone, the others were all talking and laughing excitedly, trying to decide where to go for dinner that evening. Honey gave a quick Bob-White whistle that no one heard in the cacophony, so she stood on a kitchen chair and whistled again.
"Are you okay?" Brian and Dan turned and simultaneously offered to help her down.
"No. And I know we're only supposed to use the whistle in emergencies, but this is one. We'll never decide anything in this chaos. And I don't think there's any question about where to go this evening."
The other five all turned to hear what she had to say.
"It's too cold for a picnic at the lake and I'm not going to impose on Mrs. Belden."
"So where should we go, Honey?" Trixie knew, but wanted her friend to say it.
The Bob-Whites caravanned into Sleepyside and headed directly to Wimpy's. While they weren't loud enough to disturb the other diners, several heads did turn as they walked single-file through the restaurant to their favorite booth in the rear. They spent the next several hours enjoying each other's company and their favorite burgers and milkshakes. An older man, having overheard their talking about Dan leaving for Vietnam the next day, came back to wish him well, when a young woman began yelling insults from across the room.
"Make love, not war!" She stood up, raised a clenched fist above her head and yelled, "Eighteen today, dead tomorrow! Peace now! You have a choice. Why kill babies and die in a rice paddy? Join us on Monday!"
Mart jumped up from the booth, but was pulled back down by Dan. "Ignore her," Dan growled. "She's drunk or high or something."
"What's she talking about?" Trixie was sitting across from Dan and her brother, and twisted around to see Mike the counterman escorting the girl to the door, while she continued ranting about Monday. "What's so important about Monday?"
"Don't stare, Beatrix. It's rude to stare," Mart said, between clenched teeth.
"Monday! Whitehall Street! Stop the war!" The girl called out as she left the restaurant.
"She was the one who was rude! I'm sorry, Dan." Trixie sat back down. "Do you know what she meant about Monday? What's Whitehall?"
Dan shrugged, but Honey quickly explained. "Monday is the start of Stop the Draft Week. They're planning a demonstration, maybe burning some draft cards outside the Induction Center on Whitehall Street in the city." She pushed a plate holding a slice of pie over to Dan. "Would you like this, Dan? I'm full and I really need to get going. I have to drive back into the city tonight."
Brian left shortly after Honey, followed by Mart and Diana, leaving Dan and Trixie sitting across from each other.
"So much for a quiet send-off," Trixie offered. "I thought you wanted it to be just the two of us, but I'm glad the others were here, too."
Dan glanced at his watch. "There's still a little time for just the two of us. I have eight hours until Uncle Bill and I leave for the airport."
Trixie nodded, saying nothing.
"Mike's staring at us. I'm guessing he doesn't want us hogging his largest table, especially if we aren't going to order anything else."
"I'm totally stuffed. Maybe we can just go for a drive?"
"Sure." Dan stood up, took Trixie's coat from the hook and helped her with it. He then put on his own red jacket with the distinctive BWG monogram on the back.
"That's way too small for you," Trixie noted.
"Yeah, but I figured this might be the last opportunity I have to wear it."
"For a while." Trixie completed for him.
"Yeah, I guess so." Dan grabbed her hand and led her over to the cash register.
"It's taken care of, Dan." Mike called out.
"But the others left money." Dan protested.
"That gentleman took care of it. The one sitting at the end of the counter. Said to tell you Semper Fi."
Dan drove up and down the streets of Sleepyside, neither he nor Trixie speaking until he finally pulled into the gravel parking lot at the baseball field behind the Junior-Senior High School.
"You and Mart had some great plays on that field." Trixie broke the silence.
"Yeah, we were a GREAT pair. Mart dropped so many sure flies the coach once looked to see if there was a hole in his glove." Dan laughed. "And I had a reserved seat on the bench."
"But I remember several home runs that you hit."
"Yeah. That's the only reason they kept me on the team. But I'm glad I switched to track my senior year."
"Why's that?"
"You do a lot of running at boot camp. I built up a lot of endurance running track and cross country and that came in handy."
"Was it tough? Boot Camp?" Trixie almost choked on the words.
"Yeah. But I'll be thankful for all the she...hah, crap we dealt with."
"In Nam."
Dan didn't respond.
"I'm sorry I didn't go to your graduation. Mart said you won all kinds of awards and Regan was so proud."
Dan grunted and Trixie laughed.
"I haven't heard you grunt like that since...forever."
Dan grunted again and Trixie laughed again. He did it several times, relishing the sound of her laughter when they were interrupted by a tapping on the driver's side window and a bright light shining at them.
Dan rolled down the window. "Spider?"
"What the hell are you doing here, Mangan?" Spider directed the light across the truck cab and at Trixie. "Belden? I thought you were quarantined?"
"Quarantine was lifted yesterday, Spider. I'll be back at work next weekend."
"Not if I arrest the two of you for trespassing."
"Trespassing?" Trixie and Dan yelled in unison.
"You're lucky you still had your clothes on or..."
"We just stopped for a few moments. We were talking aboutabout high school," Trixie bristled.
"Well, this lot is posted and I think you might need to go back home and into quarantine, Belden."
"When do you leave? I heard you're headed for Nam?" he asked Dan.
"Tomorrow morning. We just left Wimpy's, where we ate with a bunch of friends, and were driving around. We're headed home now, Spider. I have to get up early."
Spider backed away from the truck. "Get on, then. I don't want to...Semper Fi, Dan."
Dan quickly pulled away and drove out of the parking lot with Spider following them through town. When it appeared he was satisfied that Trixie and Dan were headed toward Glen Road, he turned back toward town.
"I'm not ready to go home, Dan. We still need that private time," Trixie said when Spider turned off.
"I know a place."
"Place?"
"We can talk, but it's...I'm not sure you..."
"Go! Let's go!" Trixie slapped the dashboard.
Dan drove past the turn off to Glen Road and continued further out of town, taking a road that wound through the Wheelers' Preserve and other densely wooded areas. While it was too dark to tell exactly where they were, Trixie could tell they were leading to an area high above Sleepyside and the Hudson River Valley.
"Damn," Dan muttered as he stopped the truck, put the gear into reverse, backed up and turned onto a narrow gravel lane. "I miss this every time. Did you know the Wheelers own land all the way up here?"
"Really?" Trixie strained to see anything in the dark as the truck bounced on the rough road.
"I came up here a few times to check it for them." Dan slowed and pulled the truck into a small clearing. He turned off the ignition and then turned to Trixie. "This isn't...I've wanted to bring you up here, but not not like this. In the dark and...a girl like you."
"A girl like me? I might like to watch the submarine races, you know. I bet it's okay to bring girls like Darlene up here."
Dan laughed nervously. "Well, it does have incredible views, day or night." He pointed out the windshield. "But I never brought Darlene here."
"The view is incredible," Trixie remarked. Leaning over the dash, she could look almost straight down at the village of Sleepyside or out across the Hudson River toward Rockland County or the Tappan Zee Bridge. "Wow!"
Dan leaned back in the seat and watched Trixie's reaction to the view. "Yeah, beautiful," he agreed. "There's a place...you have to hike further up the hillside...where I want to take you. But it's too dark."
Trixie said nothing, entranced by the view. "When you come home," she mumbled.
"Do you go back to class on Monday?" Dan tried to change the subject.
"What?" Trixie turned to him, the spell broken. "Class? Yeah. I just hope I didn't get too far behind. All my profs have been great giving me class notes and all. Dr. Bowen let me take a quiz at home on my honor, of course." She turned and faced Dan. "Dr. Stephens said I could have until the end of January to finish my term paper if I need it."
"But you won't."
"I don't know, Dan. By the way, your notes and stuff for Abnormal Psych have really helped."
"You'd ace the class with or without them." Dan waited for her to blush. She always blushed at compliments."What about work? You told Spider you'll be back next weekend?"
"Doc Ferris said I should wait a week or two not to overdo it, but..."
"You should listen to the Doctor, Trixie." Dan watched as she shrugged her shoulders.
They sat in silence, enjoying the view and the night sounds.
"I guess you don't usually come up here just to talk," Trixie finally said.
"I've only been up here a few times when, when, I..."
"Was with someone?" Trixie completed for him.
"I usually come up here alone."
Trixie guffawed.
"This place is kinda' special to me."
Trixie turned and raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "I can only imagine why."
"Hey! Whatever happened to the S-Y-T I've come to know and luh..."
"S-Y-T?"
"Sweet Young Thing." Dan laughed.
"And where did that come from?"
Dan reached over and brushed a curl from her forehead. "You've never heard that before?"
Trixie shook her head and Dan cupped her chin with his hand. "You are, you know."
"Sweet? You know perfectly well that Honey is the sweet one."
"Beautiful." Dan pulled his hand away. "Honey does have a sweet nature, but..."
"And Di's the beautiful one. I'm...I'm..." Trixie interrupted, but then couldn't find the right words.
"Trix, don't refuse compliments when they're offered. You are sweet and beautiful and talented and...and...Damn!"
They both sat silently again.
"I'm just not used to compliments. I don't see myself..."
"You are sweet and beautiful...and more."
"Thank you." Trixie looked at him and smiled. "But you never explained Sweet Young Thing."
Dan laughed. "I guess I meant that you're the proverbial nice girl. And a guy like me...I'd never...I'm not supposed to..."
"I wish you'd stop saying that." Trixie interrupted.
"Saying what?"
"A guy like you. You say that all the time and you...Dammit, Dan! You're ... I don't want to go there. Not tonight." Trixie turned and looked away.
Dan scooted across the seat. "Trix...I just...when I said you are a Sweet Young Thing I meant you're...you're special. And I...I'm not sure...I've done things, seen things..."
"You haven't done or seen anything I won't see once I become a cop."
"Maybe not. But I think you deserve..."
"Deserve? What do I deserve, Dan? I deserve someone who respects me?" Trixie raised her voice.
"Trix."
"Tell me." Trixie ignored his plea. "Do you respect me, Dan?"
"Of course."
"I figured so, or you wouldn't have spent most of tonight rammed up against the door, as far away as you can get. And I need someone who'll respect me as an equal. As a person. Who doesn't just see me as an innocent little girl who needs to be protected. Do you respect me that way, Dan?"
He nodded.
"And I think I deserve someone who's okay with my adventures and my being a cop and the mysteries that seem to appear everywhere I go. Are you okay with that?"
"Right with you, Trix. But...but...you deserve someone who can take care of you and provide for you and..."
"That's total bullshit, Dan. I can take pretty good care of myself. I mean, I don't want to be tied down to some deadbeat or something, but I'm not interested in material things. Do you believe that?"
"I guess."
"Guess or know?"
"You're one of the most capable people I know, Trix. Male or female. But..."
"No buts, Dan. I don't care about what you did with that gang. I know it was bad and I know you are still haunted by it, but it doesn't lessen who you are today. It might even make you stronger. Do you believe me when I say I don't care about the past?"
"Trixie..." Dan was half smiling, wondering if he should say what he was thinking. "You left out something else that you deserve."
"I...what?"
"You deserve someone who loves you."
Trixie's shoulders fell and she turned away.
"Jim loves you." Dan watched as she wiped away a tear from her cheek.
"That's one out of...how many? Four? Five? What about the other things I deserve?"
"I swore I wasn't going to...not now. Not tonight." Dan touched her shoulder. While he waited only a moment to continue, it seemed like forever. "Trixie, I love you. I love you, too."
Trixie turned towards him, her eyes wide. Even in the dark, Dan could tell she'd turned pale.
"I shouldn't have said that, Trixie."
"You don't...?"
"No...no...Trixie. The timing...I never should have said anything...not tonight."
"But you did."
Dan nodded.
"And you meant it."
"I never would have said it otherwise." They sat staring at each other, each unsure of what to say or do next.
"Trix...I don't expect...Just because I said...I know you...Jim..."
"I love you, too," Trixie broke in. "I've been afraid to...I've been so confused...and you...you said...that was all bullshit, wasn't it? Not wanting entanglements?"
"I do think you'd be happier...not tied down to me. And Jim..."
"Don't go there." Trixie grabbed his hands. "I've felt this way about you for..."
"It's just...how can I expect you to sit here and wait for me while I'm...I don't know what might happen in Vietnam."
"And how can I not wait, the way I feel?"
Dan tried to ignore what Trixie said. "You have no idea, what might happen. I could..."
"Would you?" Trixie was still holding Dan's hands, but she was pulling him closer now.
"Would I what?"
"Stop trying to rationalize this and...and"
"Kiss you?"
Trixie started to reply, but was quickly silenced.
Brian was sitting on the floor talking quietly on the phone, his long legs stretched all the way across the hallway, when Mart came up the back stairs carrying a glass of milk and a handful of cookies.
"Move it." He tapped Brian's legs lightly with his foot.
Brian waved him away and pulled his legs up so his brother could pass, still talking.
Mart held the handful of cookies over his heart and rolled his eyes as he walked past and into the bedroom they shared.
"So it sounds serious between you and this banjo player." Mart greeted his brother when Brian finished the phone call and joined him in the bedroom.
"Cello." Brian grabbed a cookie from where Mart had set them on the stand between the two beds.
"Banjo, cello; I knew it was something that ends in an 'o'." Mart mumbled as he stuffed his mouth with cookie. "You've got it bad, brother."
Brian sat on the side of the bed, facing Mart. "She might be going to Paris in June. Doesn't matter what I think...or how I feel if she's..."
"How long? How long will she be in Paris?" Mart's tone grew serious.
"A year. At the minimum. There's some great musician she wants to study with and..."
"Can you get her to stay? I mean if you're really serious..."
"I'd never ask her to do that. To choose between me...us...and...She's really talented, Mart."
"Then you'll just have to make sure she's really missing something and wants to come home." Mart handed his brother another cookie.
Dan pulled up behind the Valiant that had been his and now belonged to Trixie. "You won't get into trouble coming home at this hour?"
"That's the least of my..."
He turned off the ignition and the two sat staring out the windshield.
"Dan, I meant what I said." Trixie scooted across the bench seat and Dan wrapped his arm around her, pulling her even closer. "I love you. And it's not just becausebecause you're leaving." She choked on the words. "I've felt this way since...even before you enlisted."
Dan nodded his understanding. "You'll write?"
"Every day."
Dan laughed nervously. "I don't expect that. I won't be getting mail every day."
"I'll write every day. Like a journal or diary. So you won't miss anything going on at home. I might not mail them every day."
The two sat, Dan resting his chin on the top of Trixie's head, neither wanting the evening to end.
"You...you'll stay safe?" Trixie asked, her voice breaking.
"I don't expect you to wait."
"But I will." Trixie sat up straight. "I'll be right here! When you come home!"
"I don't want any promises from you, except that you'll be happy."
"I'll be busy. I can't promise I won't miss you, but I'll be busy. And I'll be right here, waiting to see where we might go with this once you're home."
Dan kissed her forehead, unable to speak.
"That's all I get?" Trixie looked up at him.
Dan pulled her to him and kissed her more passionately.
"No matter what happens, I'll always love you, Trixie. Always." Dan wanted to say the words, but, instead, he kissed her again.
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